It's not a bra!

I'm a hip young go-getter, so when I suspected that the machines at the gym are inaccurate in determining my heart beat in relation to my untimely death I chose to get a hip watch/heart monitor suitable for a hip young go-getter. Thing is, the watch itself doesn't measure your heart beat, this small bit of plastic on an elastic belt does. So you wrap it just under your pectoral muscles (read: boobs) and both the gym machines and your watch pick it up. Pretty sweet, except that the adjustment slider in the back looks like a bra clasp, so the entire time I felt like people were staring at me and wondering why I needed support.

Unrelated: a poem! I know you love my poetry, or at least I haven't gotten any responses telling me not to post it and that's pretty much as close to adoration as I get. So blammo!

A place to rest

I should think a good place
would be the forest,
deep in the bramble and thicket
where age-worn oak and maple
etched with moss
vault a cathedral of branches
above you.
Lay me down in that soft earth
far down in the roots
and spongy loam
where muffled are the gentle
footsteps of elk and fox,
like raindrops soaking down,
down to that warm darkness
that heaves above you
like a thick blanket
on a cold winter's night.

So I leave my door open a lot, because I have no windows that open (well, one opens right into a thick bunch of branches, so much so that I can't actually open it) and the aforementioned fridge is spewing odors of milky rot throughout the apartment. So door open, cool breeze in. But the cool breeze brings with it flies and crap, so now I have an otherwise ignorable ecosystem of moths and mayflies that occasionally freak the crap out of me. On close examination, however, moths are pretty awesome. They're so damn stupid that they're adorable, like lemmings and dodos, and the dusty pattern on their backs is intricate, worn, and understated, unlike that damned gaudy butterfly with its blender vomit of color. So moth!

fig. 1 - Unknown to many people, moths feed on pencil shavings and the crumbs of BBQ style snacks. Some native peoples of northern Hungary feed the moths a steady supply of Red Fanta and Cheesy BBQ Fritos and harvest their wing dust, as this dust, in small portions, is a hallucinogen and diet supplement. In large quantities, this dust causes wild dementia and the possibility of fatal boners (the second definition) during the operation of heavy machinery.